


The Peace You Seek

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s05e21 Meridian, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 09:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18962974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: Missing Scene – Meridian





	The Peace You Seek

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is Meridian, tissues might be needed.

We've had some bad weeks here at the SGC but this might be the worst of them. Daniel is....gone. I let him go because the colonel said that's what he would have wanted and, in what might be my most cowardly hour, I let him make that call for me.

If Colonel O'Neill had said 'fight', I'd have given it all I had but my gut knew this was a fight none of us were going to win without divine intervention. There was no saving Daniel from the horrors of his death and letting him go was perhaps the last kindness we could do for him.

So why do I hate myself for it? I've scoured the medical chart, wondering if I waited too late to do this, shouldn't have tried that? Letting Sam have a try with the healing device was a critical error, exacerbating his pain and robbing us of precious time. But it all comes down to the fact that we were all just so fucking helpless.

 

*

General Hammond's call breaks me out of my lethargy and I rush down to his office since he sounded anxious. The halls are quiet, people walk softly, speak softly, some of them can't even meet my gaze.

I've been keeping a close eye on SG-1, well, the rest of SG-1. Teal'c has taken to beating all stationary objects in the gym, Sam is practically camped out in her lab and Colonel O'Neill, he's fled the base and hasn't been back since that night.

“Dr. Frasier, please close the door behind you.”

Slightly alarmed, I do so before sitting. The general sighs before he taps the folder on his desk. “The Kewlonans dialed in and asked...” He hands me the folder. “I'll let you read it for yourself.” I take the folder and read, more and more incensed as I take in the demands. That Dr. Jackson be returned to be imprisoned for capital crimes.

“How dare they? Don't they realize what they owe him?” 

“I told them Dr. Jackson didn't survive. I'm preparing an answer to send them and I'd like you to document that fact.”

“Sir, I'm not sure why...”

“I don't give a damn about diplomatic relations, they have nothing we need so badly that I will let them besmirch the reputation of a good man. Dr. Jackson died a hero saving millions of lives and I intend to tell them that.” He points to the folder. “I want to make good and sure that all this goes in Dr. Jackson's folder. One day when this program goes public, I want his sacrifice to be known.”

“Of course, sir. Does Colonel O'Neill know?” I ask delicately.

“Oh, hell, no. I don't need Jack blowing a gasket. He's having a wake for Dr. Jackson at his house tonight.”

My eyebrows arch. “How did you swing that?” We both know Jack too well.

“I didn't, that little piece of information came from Teal'c. He reminded Jack that it's the least we can do for Dr. Jackson.”

*

Only those of us who know Jack O'Neill so well can see past the mask. Oh, he's toasted Daniel, told stories, traded jokes, patted a few backs but inside he's just waiting for all these people to leave.

I'm sitting out on the back deck when he wanders out, whiskey bottle in hand. He motions at my glass and I hold it out for a refill. “What a fucking terrible day.” I toast his sentiment. We've buried a lot of people along the way but this is like having your heart carved out. And knowing tomorrow you're gonna have to get up and go on like today didn't happen.

“Sir..”

“If you ask me how I'm doing, I may resort to violence, so just don't, okay?”

What the hell, I think. “None of this is your fault, Jack.”

He barks out a not-quite laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me? It's all my fault. I should have sent Carter in there with him. She'd have seen the device for what it was in a second and we'd have retreated. I didn't send my 'science officer' into the science lab. How's that for a command decision?”

“Jack...”

“Do you remember after that fiasco with the System Lords?” I do. After Daniel came back from not assassinating them, he disappeared. It took us a week to find out he had fled to, for some mysterious reason, Ireland. Jack, of course, went after him. 

“I talked him into coming back. He was done, finished, wanted to go somewhere and just play in the dirt but I talked him into coming back. And then I got him killed.”

“Jack...”

“He was crying, Janet! When he asked me to let him go, he was fucking crying. He was hurt and afraid and he didn't want to go and I didn't have the guts to ask him to stay.” He fights for composure. “Do you know why, out of all the places he could have gone, he picked Ireland?” I shake my head. “My mom has a painting of the Shannon in her kitchen. She always said she thought it looked like the most peaceful place on earth.” 

He turns to face me, look me straight in the eyes, I meet his eyes without expression. He nods as he sees the understanding in mine. I would never ask; I didn't have to, I'd already known. “Jack, if he'd stayed...all I'm saying is that we don't know how fully Jacob could have healed him. Would Daniel have wanted to...not come all the way back? Be blind or unable to read, or do the things he loved? I think you made the decision Daniel wanted you to make, that you were the only one he could have trusted to do that for him.”

“I have to think he's at peace because if I can't believe that....”

I walk over to hug him. “I want to believe that too. I have to believe that.” 

I look over his shoulder and it seems like the stars are twinkling just a bit brighter tonight. Or so I tell myself as I let Jack lead me back inside.


End file.
